2015 and My Growing Existential Crisis

Hello internet!
The year is 2015 what the hell has happened  and to be honest, I'm not really sure how I feel about it.
Sure, I finally bid farewell to university, but it's hard to not give in to my existential crisis now that I am slowly creeping to being 24.

And you know, it's not like there's nothing wrong about being 24 except that it's 1 year away from being 25 and having the infamous quarter-life-crisis, it's just that I can't shake off the feeling that I am supposed to be doing something more meaningful with my life. I mean, Hannah Hart was 23/24 when she first started My Drunk Kitchen and she was recently named as Forbes' 30 under 30.

I'll let that sink in.

Also, it's not just the existential crisis, it is also the constant struggle of choosing to do something I'm passionate about (which is yet to be known *sigh*) or this thing that I studied in uni which is slowly killing me (I am developing RSI on my wrists due to the long office hours - so I'm not exaggerating with the slowly killing me part.) I mean, you've spent 250,000+ dollars for your college education, so it makes sense to somehow put it into use, right?! Maybe not.

And now that I've made you all question your life choices (anyone?), what you should all know is that you are probably not the only one feeling the feelings you're feeling right now (so much feels.) And I don't know about you, but I hope knowing that comforts you, even by a tiny bit.

Mistakes are bound to be made and we should all see the new year as a new start. A blank paper. An empty plate. Imagine that all the mistakes, the challenges you're about to face, as well as the awesome heart-warming goodness that are waiting around the corner are the chicken and mashed potatoes and the oven-roasted veggies that you're about to pile on said plate. Each on their own will feel like it's missing something else, but together, it'll make you wonder why you don't eat them all the time (maybe because of all gymming you have to do to burn them off, amirite?) Fun fact: Pringles and chocolate work wonderfully well.

So, lets all welcome 2015 with an open heart and know that even though you're unsure of what it may hold for you, you are not on your own. Everyone is just as lost (ok, maybe not everyone - I mean look at Hannah :/) and everyone is just as worried about what they're doing. So be gentle with yourselves and set resolutions you can actually fulfil and feel good with! Do your best and we'll be back here in 2016 wondering why did we even worry in the first place.

Until next time.

Song I'm listening to: Weightless - All Time Low
If I could just find the time, then I would never let another day go by / I'm over getting old / Maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year

Jimmy Eat World and the Urge to Grow Up

For me music has always been more than just something you listen to.

For some parts of my life, it was an escape from a world that I didn't quite belong in. And no I was not bullied. But it's just when I sing out loud to a song called "Punk Rock Princess", it's easy to forget I was a bit chubbier than everyone else. 
For other times, it was the soundtrack to late night cramming sessions. 
I can go on and on with this, but you get the gist of it.

This time, though, was different. I needed music to remind me of how awesome the good old days were. 
Call me a cliche, but working 9 to 5 makes you feel really old (older than how a 22 year old should ever feel) and I thought that a bit of nostalgia will be the botox to my mind wrinkle. 
So when an e-mail popped up saying Jimmy Eat World was playing a show 10 minutes away from where I live, I said yes (out loud, in my pyjamas, at 7 in the morning, to my phone.)

On the day of the concert, I freaked out because I had lost my ID. Yes I lost my ID. I guess I have yet to lose the stupid part of being 17.
I was afraid they weren't going to let me in and the night was going to be a disaster.
But something much, much more terrible happened. They let me in without seeing my ID.
And I thought "OMG THIS IS EXACTLY LIKE THAT ARTICLE IN THOUGHT CATALOG" (#3 if you clicked the link.)

Anyway, the concert was amazing.
Jim Adkins sounded exactly like he was in my iPod but 10 times better, and I went home feeling all sweaty and gross great.
Did I jump around like crazy? Yes.
Did I try to catch his guitar pick? Yes.
Did the concert make me feel 17 again? No.
The songs were great and the crowd was pumped, but nothing could ever make me feel like I was in high school again - the pain of a heartbreak (or two), betrayals from two-faced friends, rejections from countless of companies, disappointment of what's life has become and fear of the unknown future refused to be erased by a night of musical delights.

That being said, what I felt at the concert was something different.
It was beautiful, enlightening, and not at all what I was expecting-I felt content.
When the song "23" came up, I was surprised to feel such a connection,
when it was a song I couldn't really care for when I first listened to at age 15.
I didn't understand what the phrase "I won't always live in my regrets" meant and nor did I understand the concept of letting go of ideals and playing well with the cards that life has dealt.

So in the end, what I got out of the whole concert pavlova was way more than what I could've imagined.
I am a 22 year old young woman that doesn't have it all together just yet.
I have some savings I can be proud off, principles that I will die defending, and friends and family that love me.
And it's going to be ok.
And if it's not, I'm sure I can find a song to make it ok.

For, after all, you do grow up, you do outgrow your ideals, which turn to dust and ashes, which are shattered into fragments; and if you have no other life, you just have to build one up out of these fragments. — Fyodor Dostoyevsky