Monday, May 26, 2014

Jimmy Eat World and the Urge to Grow Up

For me music has always been more than just something you listen to.
For some parts of my life, it was an escape from a world that I didn't quite belong in. And no I was not bullied. But it's just when I sing out loud to a song called "Punk Rock Princess", it's easy to forget I was a bit chubbier than everyone else. 
For other times, it was the soundtrack to late night cramming sessions. 
I can go on and on with this, but you get the gist of it.

This time, though, was different. I needed music to remind me of how awesome the good old days were. 
Call me a cliche, but working 9 to 5 makes you feel really old (older than how a 22 year old should ever feel) and I thought that a bit of nostalgia will be the botox to my mind wrinkle. 
So when an e-mail popped up saying Jimmy Eat World was playing a show 10 minutes away from where I live, I said yes (out loud, in my pyjamas, at 7 in the morning, to my phone.)

On the day of the concert, I freaked out because I had lost my ID. Yes I lost my ID. I guess I have yet to lose the stupid part of being 17.
I was afraid they weren't going to let me in and the night was going to be a disaster.
But something much, much more terrible happened. They let me in without seeing my ID.
And I thought "OMG THIS IS EXACTLY LIKE THAT ARTICLE IN THOUGHT CATALOG" (#3 if you clicked the link.)



Anyway, the concert was amazing.
Jim Adkins sounded exactly like he was in my iPod but 10 times better, and I went home feeling all sweaty and gross great.
Did I jump around like crazy? Yes.
Did I try to catch his guitar pick? Yes.
Did the concert make me feel 17 again? No.
The songs were great and the crowd was pumped, but nothing could ever make me feel like I was in high school again - the pain of a heartbreak (or two), betrayals from two-faced friends, rejections from countless of companies, disappointment of what's life has become and fear of the unknown future refused to be erased by a night of musical delights.

That being said, what I felt at the concert was something different.
It was beautiful, enlightening, and not at all what I was expecting-I felt content.
When the song "23" came up, I was surprised to feel such a connection,
when it was a song I couldn't really care for when I first listened to at age 15.
I didn't understand what the phrase "I won't always live in my regrets" meant and nor did I understand the concept of letting go of ideals and playing well with the cards that life has dealt.

So in the end, what I got out of the whole concert pavlova was way more than what I could've imagined.
I am a 22 year old young woman that doesn't have it all together just yet.
I have some savings I can be proud off, principles that I will die defending, and friends and family that love me.
And it's going to be ok.
And if it's not, I'm sure I can find a song to make it ok.

For, after all, you do grow up, you do outgrow your ideals, which turn to dust and ashes, which are shattered into fragments; and if you have no other life, you just have to build one up out of these fragments. — Fyodor Dostoyevsky