The (Hopeful) Return

Let's get the obvious out of the way first: I have been absent from this blog for a while - a long while. For that, I owe an apology to Thania, who has been wonderful about keeping up posting despite her busy schedule.

I didn't know what to write, since a lot of things I went through was pretty much the same as I've written about before. I finished my honours in Psychology in December (with relative success considering I only suffered a minor breakdown during the year) and then went through yet another bout of existential crisis. Grad school applications and job hunting - and the subsequent series of rejection - was soul-crushing. (I like to think that it wasn't necessarily me that employers didn't like, but the fact that I required sponsorship to get a working visa. Still, rejection is rejection.)

Anyway, I am back home in Indonesia. It's hot and humid, the internet is slow, and the public transport is unreliable and largely unsafe. The upside? I've been getting job interviews. I haven't received any job offer yet, but if nothing else, it has been a great boost of confidence. Maybe I am employable after all. Also, I am home with family, and it's nice not being the one worrying about bills for now. Plus, I have access to all of my favourite food again, which is always a good thing.

Basically, despite the disappointments, things are looking up, and I am hopeful again. :) This is my official return to this blog, and I'm going to do my best to actually be consistent with it. Wish me luck <3

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#DEARME - to the 14 year old me

To the girl in the obviously-too-small Taking Back Sunday shirt,

I know you're tired of being "different" than everyone else. You like different music and TV shows, you have different sense of humour - for God's sake, I know you just finished re-reading Fight Club for the 3rd time.
I also know that you're desperately trying to not eat anything that anyone offers you. You're hungry most of the times, which is why you're angry most of the times.
I know that the biggest concern you have in your life at the moment is to look just like everyone else but... Just. Stop.

The thing is, you're never going to be just like everyone else.
You'll grow up and go to university and get a job and somehow in between all that, you realise that being different is not so bad after all.
You'll still laugh at bad jokes that no one understands and your idea of a romantic postcard is a picture of 2 bread dancing next to each other with the word "let's grow mould together".
You'll also squeal with glee when you find out that Fall Out Boy is playing a show near you at a somewhat affordable price, and guess what, you will spread some nutella on your buttered toast every morning for breakfast!

It's going to be ok.

The world is a crazy, funny, somewhat unfair at times, and an amazingly beautiful place to live in!
I'm not saying that it's going to be easy - some days you'll feel like the whole world is against you and the only seemingly sensible thing to do is cry.
So cry. Cry when you're sad, or when that song comes on Spotify, when it's pouring down outside or even when it's sunny.
But cherish each beautiful moment because you know how dark it can get and be thankful for that.
Be gentle on yourself, you are trying your very best to do the best possible thing you can do.
I promise to you that life gets better and you, my friend, are worth it.

With love,
Your seemingly wiser and older self.

Spotify Playlist - New Year Existentialism Crisis

Now that you've read my previous post and are feeling the same lows as me...

Here is a link to a Spotify playlist I created.



I split up the playlist into 2 parts, part 1 is the oh shit I'm not getting my life together and part 2 is the whatever I'm having fun anyway lol.
Now, instead of crying in silence, you get to cry with awesome background music.

Until next time! Woot!

2015 and My Growing Existential Crisis

Hello internet!
The year is 2015 what the hell has happened  and to be honest, I'm not really sure how I feel about it.
Sure, I finally bid farewell to university, but it's hard to not give in to my existential crisis now that I am slowly creeping to being 24.

And you know, it's not like there's nothing wrong about being 24 except that it's 1 year away from being 25 and having the infamous quarter-life-crisis, it's just that I can't shake off the feeling that I am supposed to be doing something more meaningful with my life. I mean, Hannah Hart was 23/24 when she first started My Drunk Kitchen and she was recently named as Forbes' 30 under 30.

I'll let that sink in.

Also, it's not just the existential crisis, it is also the constant struggle of choosing to do something I'm passionate about (which is yet to be known *sigh*) or this thing that I studied in uni which is slowly killing me (I am developing RSI on my wrists due to the long office hours - so I'm not exaggerating with the slowly killing me part.) I mean, you've spent 250,000+ dollars for your college education, so it makes sense to somehow put it into use, right?! Maybe not.

And now that I've made you all question your life choices (anyone?), what you should all know is that you are probably not the only one feeling the feelings you're feeling right now (so much feels.) And I don't know about you, but I hope knowing that comforts you, even by a tiny bit.

Mistakes are bound to be made and we should all see the new year as a new start. A blank paper. An empty plate. Imagine that all the mistakes, the challenges you're about to face, as well as the awesome heart-warming goodness that are waiting around the corner are the chicken and mashed potatoes and the oven-roasted veggies that you're about to pile on said plate. Each on their own will feel like it's missing something else, but together, it'll make you wonder why you don't eat them all the time (maybe because of all gymming you have to do to burn them off, amirite?) Fun fact: Pringles and chocolate work wonderfully well.

So, lets all welcome 2015 with an open heart and know that even though you're unsure of what it may hold for you, you are not on your own. Everyone is just as lost (ok, maybe not everyone - I mean look at Hannah :/) and everyone is just as worried about what they're doing. So be gentle with yourselves and set resolutions you can actually fulfil and feel good with! Do your best and we'll be back here in 2016 wondering why did we even worry in the first place.

Until next time.

Song I'm listening to: Weightless - All Time Low
If I could just find the time, then I would never let another day go by / I'm over getting old / Maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year