Let's get the obvious out of the way first: I have been absent from this blog for a while - a long while. For that, I owe an apology to Thania, who has been wonderful about keeping up posting despite her busy schedule.
I didn't know what to write, since a lot of things I went through was pretty much the same as I've written about before. I finished my honours in Psychology in December (with relative success considering I only suffered a minor breakdown during the year) and then went through yet another bout of existential crisis. Grad school applications and job hunting - and the subsequent series of rejection - was soul-crushing. (I like to think that it wasn't necessarily me that employers didn't like, but the fact that I required sponsorship to get a working visa. Still, rejection is rejection.)
Anyway, I am back home in Indonesia. It's hot and humid, the internet is slow, and the public transport is unreliable and largely unsafe. The upside? I've been getting job interviews. I haven't received any job offer yet, but if nothing else, it has been a great boost of confidence. Maybe I am employable after all. Also, I am home with family, and it's nice not being the one worrying about bills for now. Plus, I have access to all of my favourite food again, which is always a good thing.
Basically, despite the disappointments, things are looking up, and I am hopeful again. :) This is my official return to this blog, and I'm going to do my best to actually be consistent with it. Wish me luck <3
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Thursday, March 5, 2015
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Wednesday, March 4, 2015
#DEARME - to the 14 year old me
To the girl in the obviously-too-small Taking Back Sunday shirt,
I know you're tired of being "different" than everyone else. You like different music and TV shows, you have different sense of humour - for God's sake, I know you just finished re-reading Fight Club for the 3rd time.
I also know that you're desperately trying to not eat anything that anyone offers you. You're hungry most of the times, which is why you're angry most of the times.
I know that the biggest concern you have in your life at the moment is to look just like everyone else but... Just. Stop.
The thing is, you're never going to be just like everyone else.
You'll grow up and go to university and get a job and somehow in between all that, you realise that being different is not so bad after all.
You'll still laugh at bad jokes that no one understands and your idea of a romantic postcard is a picture of 2 bread dancing next to each other with the word "let's grow mould together".
You'll also squeal with glee when you find out that Fall Out Boy is playing a show near you at a somewhat affordable price, and guess what, you will spread some nutella on your buttered toast every morning for breakfast!
It's going to be ok.
The world is a crazy, funny, somewhat unfair at times, and an amazingly beautiful place to live in!
I'm not saying that it's going to be easy - some days you'll feel like the whole world is against you and the only seemingly sensible thing to do is cry.
So cry. Cry when you're sad, or when that song comes on Spotify, when it's pouring down outside or even when it's sunny.
But cherish each beautiful moment because you know how dark it can get and be thankful for that.
Be gentle on yourself, you are trying your very best to do the best possible thing you can do.
I promise to you that life gets better and you, my friend, are worth it.
With love,
Your seemingly wiser and older self.
I know you're tired of being "different" than everyone else. You like different music and TV shows, you have different sense of humour - for God's sake, I know you just finished re-reading Fight Club for the 3rd time.
I also know that you're desperately trying to not eat anything that anyone offers you. You're hungry most of the times, which is why you're angry most of the times.
I know that the biggest concern you have in your life at the moment is to look just like everyone else but... Just. Stop.
The thing is, you're never going to be just like everyone else.
You'll grow up and go to university and get a job and somehow in between all that, you realise that being different is not so bad after all.
You'll still laugh at bad jokes that no one understands and your idea of a romantic postcard is a picture of 2 bread dancing next to each other with the word "let's grow mould together".
You'll also squeal with glee when you find out that Fall Out Boy is playing a show near you at a somewhat affordable price, and guess what, you will spread some nutella on your buttered toast every morning for breakfast!
It's going to be ok.
The world is a crazy, funny, somewhat unfair at times, and an amazingly beautiful place to live in!
I'm not saying that it's going to be easy - some days you'll feel like the whole world is against you and the only seemingly sensible thing to do is cry.
So cry. Cry when you're sad, or when that song comes on Spotify, when it's pouring down outside or even when it's sunny.
But cherish each beautiful moment because you know how dark it can get and be thankful for that.
Be gentle on yourself, you are trying your very best to do the best possible thing you can do.
I promise to you that life gets better and you, my friend, are worth it.
With love,
Your seemingly wiser and older self.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Spotify Playlist - New Year Existentialism Crisis
Now that you've read my previous post and are feeling the same lows as me...
Here is a link to a Spotify playlist I created.
I split up the playlist into 2 parts, part 1 is the oh shit I'm not getting my life together and part 2 is the whatever I'm having fun anyway lol.
Now, instead of crying in silence, you get to cry with awesome background music.
Until next time! Woot!
Here is a link to a Spotify playlist I created.
I split up the playlist into 2 parts, part 1 is the oh shit I'm not getting my life together and part 2 is the whatever I'm having fun anyway lol.
Now, instead of crying in silence, you get to cry with awesome background music.
Until next time! Woot!
Sunday, January 11, 2015
2015 and My Growing Existential Crisis
Hello internet!
The year is 2015
Sure, I finally bid farewell to university, but it's hard to not give in to my existential crisis now that I am slowly creeping to being 24.
And you know, it's not like there's nothing wrong about being 24
I'll let that sink in.
Also, it's not just the existential crisis, it is also the constant struggle of choosing to do something I'm passionate about (which is yet to be known *sigh*) or this thing that I studied in uni which is slowly killing me (I am developing RSI on my wrists due to the long office hours - so I'm not exaggerating with the slowly killing me part.) I mean, you've spent 250,000+ dollars for your college education, so it makes sense to somehow put it into use, right?! Maybe not.
And now that I've made you all question your life choices (anyone?), what you should all know is that you are probably not the only one feeling the feelings you're feeling right now (so much feels.) And I don't know about you, but I hope knowing that comforts you, even by a tiny bit.
Mistakes are bound to be made and we should all see the new year as a new start. A blank paper. An empty plate. Imagine that all the mistakes, the challenges you're about to face, as well as the awesome heart-warming goodness that are waiting around the corner are the chicken and mashed potatoes and the oven-roasted veggies that you're about to pile on said plate. Each on their own will feel like it's missing something else, but together, it'll make you wonder why you don't eat them all the time
So, lets all welcome 2015 with an open heart and know that even though you're unsure of what it may hold for you, you are not on your own. Everyone is just as lost (ok, maybe not everyone - I mean look at Hannah :/) and everyone is just as worried about what they're doing. So be gentle with yourselves and set resolutions you can actually fulfil and feel good with! Do your best and we'll be back here in 2016 wondering why did we even worry in the first place.
Until next time.
Song I'm listening to: Weightless - All Time Low
If I could just find the time, then I would never let another day go by / I'm over getting old / Maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year
Monday, June 16, 2014
5 (or really, 8) Great TV Characters
I love scripted TV shows - it's a quick break from reality, and if you're lucky, you get interesting stories an compelling characters in one package. Characters are important for me, because if I can't believe them or care enough invest my time in them, why bother? (I have a hard time with reality TV for this reason. I also fell out of love with Glee for this reason, though there are many other reasons for that.)
In no particular order, these are ten TV characters I love most:
1. Temperance Brennan, Bones
Brennan and Sheldon Cooper have several things in common. They prefer all things rational over emotions, and neither really understand social conventions or people. The difference between the two is where Sheldon's lack of tact toward people sometimes come from the belief that he's the genius thus he's the most important person ever, Brennan is often just stating a fact in order to correct someone else. She cares, she's just sometimes at a loss as to how to express that emotion. It's been fabulous to watch her growth through the seasons, and I love her both when she excels with the bones and when she struggles to understand living people.
2. Felicity Smoak, Arrow
Felicity was the first person to draw a genuine smile out of the scarred, stoic Oliver Queen. That's a pretty big deal, and says a lot about the brightness she brings to the show. She's intelligent, but she's not just the brain; she's also funny (though she probably doesn't intend to be sometimes) and compassionate. Without her, Oliver would be a killer, not a hero.
3. Juliette Barnes, Nashville
I tried, and I couldn't think of another character I both hate and sympathize with in equal proportions. Juliette drives me nuts with her diva attitude, self-destructiveness and generally terrible choices, but then we got to know her past and why she's become this person, and I understood. I wouldn't defend her actions, but I understand why and I want her to grow. In my book, that makes her a good character.
4. Emma Swan, Once Upon a Time
She's the saviour, but it took her three seasons to stop feeling like a lost girl. She should've been a fairytale princess, but instead Emma grew up in the foster system. She's self-sufficient, street smart, and realistic to the point of pessimistic. I've enjoyed watching her struggle to not just accept the fairytales, but also that she belongs somewhere.
5. The House Husbands, House Husbands
So I'm cheating and choosing four instead of just one, but I think the characters work best together even though they're strong individually. Lewis, Mark, Kane, and Justin - they're at different stages of their lives but are all well-meaning fathers doing their best. I like that with them, the focus isn't about whether men should stay home and look after the kids or not; it's that they can, but just like with stay-at-home mums, it won't be without challenges.
In no particular order, these are ten TV characters I love most:
1. Temperance Brennan, Bones
Brennan and Sheldon Cooper have several things in common. They prefer all things rational over emotions, and neither really understand social conventions or people. The difference between the two is where Sheldon's lack of tact toward people sometimes come from the belief that he's the genius thus he's the most important person ever, Brennan is often just stating a fact in order to correct someone else. She cares, she's just sometimes at a loss as to how to express that emotion. It's been fabulous to watch her growth through the seasons, and I love her both when she excels with the bones and when she struggles to understand living people.
"Two plus two equals four. I put sugar in my coffee and it tastes sweet. The sun comes up because the world turns. These things are beautiful to me. There are mysteries I will never understand, but everywhere I look I see proof that for every effect there is a corresponding cause. Even if I can't see it. I find that reassuring."
2. Felicity Smoak, Arrow
Felicity was the first person to draw a genuine smile out of the scarred, stoic Oliver Queen. That's a pretty big deal, and says a lot about the brightness she brings to the show. She's intelligent, but she's not just the brain; she's also funny (though she probably doesn't intend to be sometimes) and compassionate. Without her, Oliver would be a killer, not a hero.
3. Juliette Barnes, Nashville
I tried, and I couldn't think of another character I both hate and sympathize with in equal proportions. Juliette drives me nuts with her diva attitude, self-destructiveness and generally terrible choices, but then we got to know her past and why she's become this person, and I understood. I wouldn't defend her actions, but I understand why and I want her to grow. In my book, that makes her a good character.
"I think when I feel like somebody is going to hurt me, I just make sure that I hurt myself first and worse. Burn the house down while I'm still in it."
4. Emma Swan, Once Upon a Time
She's the saviour, but it took her three seasons to stop feeling like a lost girl. She should've been a fairytale princess, but instead Emma grew up in the foster system. She's self-sufficient, street smart, and realistic to the point of pessimistic. I've enjoyed watching her struggle to not just accept the fairytales, but also that she belongs somewhere.
"The only one who saves me is me."
5. The House Husbands, House Husbands
So I'm cheating and choosing four instead of just one, but I think the characters work best together even though they're strong individually. Lewis, Mark, Kane, and Justin - they're at different stages of their lives but are all well-meaning fathers doing their best. I like that with them, the focus isn't about whether men should stay home and look after the kids or not; it's that they can, but just like with stay-at-home mums, it won't be without challenges.
Sunday, June 8, 2014
10 Songs to Give You ALL. THE. FEELS.
Whether it's feelings of despair and heartbreak, content, anger, or even the warm and fuzzy kind, these 10 songs will:
a. start the ugly crying, b. remind you of the good old days, c. make you feel infinite (for all of you Charlies ;) ) and d. all of the above
1. Jack's Mannequin - The Resolution
I remember reading somewhere that Andrew McMahon, lead singer of Jack's Mannequin, took his last cancer medication ever with a shot of Jägermeister. With lyrics like "I'm alive / I don't need a witness to know that I survived / I'm not looking for forgiveness", it's not hard to know what the song is about. It's also not hard to feel this great sense of victory when the chorus came up. Whether it's a break up, an illness, or a dark period of life that you have overcome, this song celebrates those mini or major triumphs and it celebrates them well.
2. Coldplay - Magic
This is pretty much what falling in love sounds like. Imagine a late Sunday afternoon and you're in a car with that special person and feeling like everything you could ever need is in the palm of your hand. "We're at the top of the world / You and I / We've got a lot of time and it sure feels right"
4. Relient K - I Don't Need A Soul
5. Jimmy Eat World - 23
I've already talked about my moment of musical healing in this post at great details, but I can't stress just how much this song means to me. It's about letting go of your ideals and living life for what it is and living it to the fullest potential.
6. Death Cab For Cutie - You're A Tourist
Ever feel like you just want to pack up your whole life in a suitcase and just travel the world and immerse yourself in its beauties and oddities? Or maybe to pick up a new instrument / change jobs / find new friends and get out of a rut? This song just captures the whole essence of being inspired and will leave you feeling like you're ready to tackle on the world after a listen. "And if you feel just like a tourist in the city you were born / Then it's time to go / And define your destination / There's so many different places to call home"
a. start the ugly crying, b. remind you of the good old days, c. make you feel infinite (for all of you Charlies ;) ) and d. all of the above
1. Jack's Mannequin - The Resolution
I remember reading somewhere that Andrew McMahon, lead singer of Jack's Mannequin, took his last cancer medication ever with a shot of Jägermeister. With lyrics like "I'm alive / I don't need a witness to know that I survived / I'm not looking for forgiveness", it's not hard to know what the song is about. It's also not hard to feel this great sense of victory when the chorus came up. Whether it's a break up, an illness, or a dark period of life that you have overcome, this song celebrates those mini or major triumphs and it celebrates them well.
2. Coldplay - Magic
There are 2 good things that came out of the whole Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin divorce debacle. One is the term "conscious uncoupling" and two is the album Ghost Stories. Magic just oozes heartbreak in the best possible ways. It ticks all the boxes of a good heartbreak song and more. Still pining over your ex - yes. Not wanting to move on from him/her - yes. And that little line in the end - "And if you were to ask me / After all that we've been through/"Still believe in magic?"/Well yes, I do" - is just the nail at the moving-on coffin.
3. The Juliana Theory - We're At The Top Of The WorldThis is pretty much what falling in love sounds like. Imagine a late Sunday afternoon and you're in a car with that special person and feeling like everything you could ever need is in the palm of your hand. "We're at the top of the world / You and I / We've got a lot of time and it sure feels right"
4. Relient K - I Don't Need A Soul
There's nothing more empowering and exhilarating than realising that there is a future after a breakup and realising that life continues on and it will continue on being beautiful. This whole song is basically a big "F you" to the concept of needing a girl/boyfriend or a "soul"mate to be happy and just being happy with you and yourself. "But I don't need a soul / Oh, I don't need a soul to hold / Without you I'm still whole / You and life remain beautiful"
5. Jimmy Eat World - 23
I've already talked about my moment of musical healing in this post at great details, but I can't stress just how much this song means to me. It's about letting go of your ideals and living life for what it is and living it to the fullest potential.
6. Death Cab For Cutie - You're A Tourist
Ever feel like you just want to pack up your whole life in a suitcase and just travel the world and immerse yourself in its beauties and oddities? Or maybe to pick up a new instrument / change jobs / find new friends and get out of a rut? This song just captures the whole essence of being inspired and will leave you feeling like you're ready to tackle on the world after a listen. "And if you feel just like a tourist in the city you were born / Then it's time to go / And define your destination / There's so many different places to call home"
7. Tom Odell - Another Love
Tom Odell is English, moody, and writes one of the most heartbreaking songs I have ever heard. You can literally pick any moment in this song and hear the pain in his voice and the music. Yet the song is so catchy that anyone who's been letting the pain of past relationships get in the way of a current one can't help to sing along and mean. every. word.
Tom Odell is English, moody, and writes one of the most heartbreaking songs I have ever heard. You can literally pick any moment in this song and hear the pain in his voice and the music. Yet the song is so catchy that anyone who's been letting the pain of past relationships get in the way of a current one can't help to sing along and mean. every. word.
8. Jimmy Eat World - Dizzy
I just love Jimmy Eat World so much that I have to include them in again. Dizzy is a song about the failure one has in accepting that a relationship has ended. I dare you to try and sing the bridge without shedding a tear. "Oh, oh take it all back, take your first, your last, your only / Oh, oh take it all back, take it all back / Everything you showed me / Oh, oh, this must be how it feels when the feelings goes"
9. Band of Horses - No One's Gonna Love You
I think most people don't realise that being in a relationship is a choice as much as it is a commitment. To me, the song is about taking in all the bad things in a relationship and realising that although things are somewhat awful, no one else is more perfect for you and choosing to work on the relationship instead? And to me, it's such a wonderful part of a relationship that not many songs explore. Fun Fact: Drew Barrymore used this song for her first dance on her wedding day.
10. Jack's Mannequin - Dark Blue
I need to close the list with another song by Jack's Mannequin. Can't really say much about the lyrics other than the fact that the music just makes me feel so excited and all giddy inside. Favorite line has got to be "Have you ever been alone in a crowded room? / Well, I'm here with you / I said the world could be burning till there's nothing but dark blue"
I just love Jimmy Eat World so much that I have to include them in again. Dizzy is a song about the failure one has in accepting that a relationship has ended. I dare you to try and sing the bridge without shedding a tear. "Oh, oh take it all back, take your first, your last, your only / Oh, oh take it all back, take it all back / Everything you showed me / Oh, oh, this must be how it feels when the feelings goes"
9. Band of Horses - No One's Gonna Love You
I think most people don't realise that being in a relationship is a choice as much as it is a commitment. To me, the song is about taking in all the bad things in a relationship and realising that although things are somewhat awful, no one else is more perfect for you and choosing to work on the relationship instead? And to me, it's such a wonderful part of a relationship that not many songs explore. Fun Fact: Drew Barrymore used this song for her first dance on her wedding day.
10. Jack's Mannequin - Dark Blue
I need to close the list with another song by Jack's Mannequin. Can't really say much about the lyrics other than the fact that the music just makes me feel so excited and all giddy inside. Favorite line has got to be "Have you ever been alone in a crowded room? / Well, I'm here with you / I said the world could be burning till there's nothing but dark blue"
Monday, May 26, 2014
Jimmy Eat World and the Urge to Grow Up
For me music has always been more than just something you listen to.
Anyway, the concert was amazing.
Jim Adkins sounded exactly like he was in my iPod but 10 times better, and I went home feelingall sweaty and gross great.
Did I jump around like crazy? Yes.
Did I try to catch his guitar pick? Yes.
Did the concert make me feel 17 again? No.
The songs were great and the crowd was pumped, but nothing could ever make me feel like I was in high school again - the pain of a heartbreak (or two), betrayals from two-faced friends, rejections from countless of companies, disappointment of what's life has become and fear of the unknown future refused to be erased by a night of musical delights.
That being said, what I felt at the concert was something different.
It was beautiful, enlightening, and not at all what I was expecting-I felt content.
When the song "23" came up, I was surprised to feel such a connection,
when it was a song I couldn't really care for when I first listened to at age 15.
I didn't understand what the phrase "I won't always live in my regrets" meant and nor did I understand the concept of letting go of ideals and playing well with the cards that life has dealt.
So in the end, what I got out of the whole concert pavlova was way more than what I could've imagined.
I am a 22 year old young woman that doesn't have it all together just yet.
I have some savings I can be proud off, principles that I will die defending, and friends and family that love me.
And it's going to be ok.
And if it's not, I'm sure I can find a song to make it ok.
For some parts of my life, it was an escape from a world that I didn't quite belong in. And no I was not bullied. But it's just when I sing out loud to a song called "Punk Rock Princess", it's easy to forget I was a bit chubbier than everyone else.
For other times, it was the soundtrack to late night cramming sessions.
I can go on and on with this, but you get the gist of it.
This time, though, was different. I needed music to remind me of how awesome the good old days were.
Call me a cliche, but working 9 to 5 makes you feel really old (older than how a 22 year old should ever feel) and I thought that a bit of nostalgia will be the botox to my mind wrinkle.
So when an e-mail popped up saying Jimmy Eat World was playing a show 10 minutes away from where I live, I said yes (out loud, in my pyjamas, at 7 in the morning, to my phone.)
On the day of the concert, I freaked out because I had lost my ID. Yes I lost my ID.I guess I have yet to lose the stupid part of being 17.
I was afraid they weren't going to let me in and the night was going to be a disaster.
But something much, much more terrible happened. They let me in without seeing my ID.
And I thought "OMG THIS IS EXACTLY LIKE THAT ARTICLE IN THOUGHT CATALOG" (#3 if you clicked the link.)
For other times, it was the soundtrack to late night cramming sessions.
I can go on and on with this, but you get the gist of it.
This time, though, was different. I needed music to remind me of how awesome the good old days were.
Call me a cliche, but working 9 to 5 makes you feel really old (older than how a 22 year old should ever feel) and I thought that a bit of nostalgia will be the botox to my mind wrinkle.
So when an e-mail popped up saying Jimmy Eat World was playing a show 10 minutes away from where I live, I said yes (out loud, in my pyjamas, at 7 in the morning, to my phone.)
On the day of the concert, I freaked out because I had lost my ID. Yes I lost my ID.
I was afraid they weren't going to let me in and the night was going to be a disaster.
But something much, much more terrible happened. They let me in without seeing my ID.
And I thought "OMG THIS IS EXACTLY LIKE THAT ARTICLE IN THOUGHT CATALOG" (#3 if you clicked the link.)
Anyway, the concert was amazing.
Jim Adkins sounded exactly like he was in my iPod but 10 times better, and I went home feeling
Did I jump around like crazy? Yes.
Did I try to catch his guitar pick? Yes.
Did the concert make me feel 17 again? No.
The songs were great and the crowd was pumped, but nothing could ever make me feel like I was in high school again - the pain of a heartbreak (or two), betrayals from two-faced friends, rejections from countless of companies, disappointment of what's life has become and fear of the unknown future refused to be erased by a night of musical delights.
That being said, what I felt at the concert was something different.
It was beautiful, enlightening, and not at all what I was expecting-I felt content.
When the song "23" came up, I was surprised to feel such a connection,
when it was a song I couldn't really care for when I first listened to at age 15.
I didn't understand what the phrase "I won't always live in my regrets" meant and nor did I understand the concept of letting go of ideals and playing well with the cards that life has dealt.
So in the end, what I got out of the whole concert pavlova was way more than what I could've imagined.
I am a 22 year old young woman that doesn't have it all together just yet.
I have some savings I can be proud off, principles that I will die defending, and friends and family that love me.
And it's going to be ok.
And if it's not, I'm sure I can find a song to make it ok.
For, after all, you do grow up, you do outgrow your ideals, which turn to dust and ashes, which are shattered into fragments; and if you have no other life, you just have to build one up out of these fragments. — Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Sunday, May 25, 2014
BFF?
Here's a sad story. I have a friend who is doing her research in developmental psychology. She works with little kids, preschool age, and one of the things she has to ask them is to nominate a best friend. She'll then check the answer from the kid who's been nominated to see if they'll reciprocate. This is pretty much how she defines best-friendship: reciprocity. She told me about this child who nominated more than ten names, none of whom nominated him in return.
Now I don't know about you, but I had this insecurity that I was that kid. I always had good friends, but there would be moments when I wonder if I'm as important to them as they are to me. Middle and high school were the probably the worst of it, as my friends made new friends and got boyfriends, and I found myself occasionally feeling like the extra, unnecessary wheels. In hindsight though, those whom I still call my best friends today were the ones who made an effort to make sure I didn't feel this way. So perhaps that period of growing up and apart was necessary, even if it made me wonder what was wrong with me.
I still get visited by that feeling, that wondering of 'oh, why don't you like me better?' when a friend on their way to being a close friend to me finds someone else and forgets about me. But I understand better now that sometimes it's a matter of match. As sad as it is sometimes, some people just aren't my kindred spirits, but that's okay. Now I know with more certainty who will nominate me right back if we were in that friendship study, and as long as I've got them, I'm all good.
Now I don't know about you, but I had this insecurity that I was that kid. I always had good friends, but there would be moments when I wonder if I'm as important to them as they are to me. Middle and high school were the probably the worst of it, as my friends made new friends and got boyfriends, and I found myself occasionally feeling like the extra, unnecessary wheels. In hindsight though, those whom I still call my best friends today were the ones who made an effort to make sure I didn't feel this way. So perhaps that period of growing up and apart was necessary, even if it made me wonder what was wrong with me.
I still get visited by that feeling, that wondering of 'oh, why don't you like me better?' when a friend on their way to being a close friend to me finds someone else and forgets about me. But I understand better now that sometimes it's a matter of match. As sad as it is sometimes, some people just aren't my kindred spirits, but that's okay. Now I know with more certainty who will nominate me right back if we were in that friendship study, and as long as I've got them, I'm all good.
Friday, May 23, 2014
My X-Men X-perience
Last Friday, X-Men: Days of Future Past had their premiere in Melbourne. Hugh Jackman, Peter Dinklage, and Fan Bingbing were present. So was I.
I've written elsewhere in this blog that I've only just recently become a fan of X-Men, but I'm a Hugh Jackman fan first. So when I received an e-mail from HOYTS Rewards (I'm a member) about the premiere, I jumped on the opportunity. (Or rather, I jumped out of bed, opened my laptop, texted Corissa at 12.30am to see if she wanted to go too, and then anguished over whether or not to buy the tickets). I eventually did buy 2 tickets to the movie the next morning after Cor had said yes.
To be at the premiere event itself though, you didn't need to buy tickets. We were there at 3pm - 2 hours before the actors were scheduled to arrive - and there must've been a hundred people standing by the designated 'red carpet' areas (there was no actual carpet in the first and second floor of Melbourne Central, where the stars would walk past to get to the theatre).
Tip #1 for a red carpet fan experience: Get there early, at least two hours before the start. If you're eager for an autograph or a photo and want a spot right next to the carpet, REALLY early.
It wasn't all fun. It was 2 hours before the stars arrived, and another hour before Hugh, Bingbing, and Peter passed by. The crowd continued to grow throughout. If it was uncomfortable for me, imagine what it was like for my pregnant-in-the-trimester friend. (Tip #2: Wear comfortable shoes and clothes. Unless you're all decked out in a costume, the stars probably won't see you anyway) Then, despite repeated warnings from the security that we're not allowed to push, this guy behind us lost all sense of decorum and shoved when Hugh came by. Dude, if you wanted a better vantage point, you should've come earlier.
Still, it was a good experience. Really. A nice girl in front of us offered to help get an autograph because she was right behind the barrier, and she actually did get it. My notebook has an autograph from Hugh Jackman (!!), and the man himself was less than a kilometer away, even if it was only for two minutes and I didn't actually get to shake hands or talk to him. It was good enough for me to squee over (mentally and occasionally out loud) for the rest of the weekend.
(Fan Bingbing and Peter Dinklage came after, but I didn't really know their work so I didn't wait for them).
Moral of the story: if you have a celebrity crush big enough and you get the opportunity to see them without breaking the bank, go. Just be prepared for a good amount of waiting around.
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| Photos on the left by Corissa |
To be at the premiere event itself though, you didn't need to buy tickets. We were there at 3pm - 2 hours before the actors were scheduled to arrive - and there must've been a hundred people standing by the designated 'red carpet' areas (there was no actual carpet in the first and second floor of Melbourne Central, where the stars would walk past to get to the theatre).
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| @thehughjackman on Instagram: Can't wait to see you all tonight at Melbourne Central. Amazing fans. Aussie Aussie Aussie #xmen #xmenlive |
Tip #1 for a red carpet fan experience: Get there early, at least two hours before the start. If you're eager for an autograph or a photo and want a spot right next to the carpet, REALLY early.
It wasn't all fun. It was 2 hours before the stars arrived, and another hour before Hugh, Bingbing, and Peter passed by. The crowd continued to grow throughout. If it was uncomfortable for me, imagine what it was like for my pregnant-in-the-trimester friend. (Tip #2: Wear comfortable shoes and clothes. Unless you're all decked out in a costume, the stars probably won't see you anyway) Then, despite repeated warnings from the security that we're not allowed to push, this guy behind us lost all sense of decorum and shoved when Hugh came by. Dude, if you wanted a better vantage point, you should've come earlier.
Still, it was a good experience. Really. A nice girl in front of us offered to help get an autograph because she was right behind the barrier, and she actually did get it. My notebook has an autograph from Hugh Jackman (!!), and the man himself was less than a kilometer away, even if it was only for two minutes and I didn't actually get to shake hands or talk to him. It was good enough for me to squee over (mentally and occasionally out loud) for the rest of the weekend.
(Fan Bingbing and Peter Dinklage came after, but I didn't really know their work so I didn't wait for them).
Moral of the story: if you have a celebrity crush big enough and you get the opportunity to see them without breaking the bank, go. Just be prepared for a good amount of waiting around.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Small caps panic
Every now and again, I find myself lying awake in bed, thinking in panicked small caps. Small caps, because it's not quite a full-blown freak out, but it's almost there. WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE? WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING ALL DAY? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE. OH MY GOD, GO TO SLEEP. CAN'T; I'M A FAILURE AND I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. On and on until I force myself to fall asleep. It's not a unique experience; I bet you've had one of those nights (or mornings, or days).
I had these small-caps-thoughts-trains-of-doom frequently over the six months period between graduation and starting my honours year, and it wasn't hard to understand why. I literally had nothing to do with my life then, produced almost nothing but several unfinished stories and a lot of RPing. Then I got accepted into the honours program I was after (the one I've been told for years to be extremely competitive to got into) and that took care of my existential crisis for a while. The psych department that's currently 10th in the world wants me, so I can't be that much of a failure, right?
Then it came back last night. I had a mixed morning with a stats class I didn't really understand and a meeting with my project supervisor in which I was told that I was doing very well. I had a run-in that reminded me that I don't have a job. The negatives won out.
I don't have an advice on how to deal with such anxieties. I'm dealing by writing this, right now, and looking at job advertisements. It might lead to nothing, but at least at this moment I can talk myself out of the panic.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Stand among the stars
I've often had insecurities about being the mousey one in a group of beautiful, successful, popular, essentially-good friends. These thoughts threaten to pull me under especially when my life seems to be lacking a clear direction and I'm feeling like a failure.
The last time this happened, I tried to remind myself that these friendships I have aren't based on pity or manipulation. My best friends have never tried to use me or boss me around. They don't invite me to hang out with an 'oh alright, you can come along' attitude. They're my friends because, for reasons I sometimes can't understand myself, they love me. For the past six months, I've been informed in various ways by the people I left that they were missing me, and by the ones I reunited with that they'd been looking forward to see me. Aside from my own anxieties, I wasn't given any reason to think that these were merely perfunctory.
I tried to remind myself that there are so many reasons about why these are my friends. We have things in common, we enjoy each other's company, and perhaps we're not so unequal as I sometimes think.
Besides, would I want a different set of friends? No. I've had friends who dragged me down, clouded my head with their pessimism and lack of effort in everything. I didn't like it.
The people I've surrounded myself with are the kind to encourage me to forge forward and try to beat the obstacles because they do the same. Their hard work and success push me to strive for the same because - when I quit feeling sorry for myself and apart from my own life goals- I just don't want to be left behind. They're good friends to me, and a good influence.
It's not easy to be outshined, but I'd rather be surrounded by stars than be in the dark. Some days, or someday, I may shine just as bright.
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| Remember when Ron Weasley's insecurities got the best of him? I can totally relate. |
The last time this happened, I tried to remind myself that these friendships I have aren't based on pity or manipulation. My best friends have never tried to use me or boss me around. They don't invite me to hang out with an 'oh alright, you can come along' attitude. They're my friends because, for reasons I sometimes can't understand myself, they love me. For the past six months, I've been informed in various ways by the people I left that they were missing me, and by the ones I reunited with that they'd been looking forward to see me. Aside from my own anxieties, I wasn't given any reason to think that these were merely perfunctory.
I tried to remind myself that there are so many reasons about why these are my friends. We have things in common, we enjoy each other's company, and perhaps we're not so unequal as I sometimes think.
Besides, would I want a different set of friends? No. I've had friends who dragged me down, clouded my head with their pessimism and lack of effort in everything. I didn't like it.
The people I've surrounded myself with are the kind to encourage me to forge forward and try to beat the obstacles because they do the same. Their hard work and success push me to strive for the same because - when I quit feeling sorry for myself and apart from my own life goals- I just don't want to be left behind. They're good friends to me, and a good influence.
It's not easy to be outshined, but I'd rather be surrounded by stars than be in the dark. Some days, or someday, I may shine just as bright.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Favourite books of 2013 a la Priscilla
Since I always love getting book recommendations, I thought I'd share some of mine here. These are some of the wonderful books I got to read last year:
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Pi Patel becomes a castaway after a shipwreck that cost him his entire family. He must learn to survive the Pacific Ocean and Richard Parker, the Bengal tiger that is his fellow castaway.
I've heard about Life Pi for a very long time, but it wasn't until my book club picked it as a topic that I bought it. I expected it to be difficult and maybe tedious due to the philosophical nature, but it's only a little difficult and not at all tedious. I adore books that make me believe in the fantastic, and Pi did just that.
"If you stumble about believability, what are you living for? Love is hard to believe, ask any lover. Life is hard to believe, ask any scientist. God is hard to believe, ask any believer. What is your problem with hard to believe?"
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Brilliantly synthesizing philosophy, literature, science, and his own undercover detective work, Eating Animals explores the many fictions we use to justify our eating habits-from folklore to pop culture to family traditions and national myth-and how such tales justify a brutal ignorance. (Goodreads)
I could never explain just how brilliant this book is. It doesn't set out to guilt meat-eaters into being vegetarians (though it comes very close to converting this meat eater and convinced Natalie Portman); it just lays out all the facts and stats and points out the deliberate forgetting of where our meat comes from and the process it goes through until it reaches our table. That sounds boring, but I promise you it isn't. I had a hard time getting through it because at times the topic is uncomfortable to read, but I'm glad I did.
“We can't plead ignorance, only indifference. Those alive today are the generations that came to know better. We have the burden and the opportunity of living in the moment when the critique of factory farming broke into the popular consciousness. We are the ones of whom it will be fairly asked, What did you do when you learned the truth about eating animals?”
An astonishing technique for recovering and cloning dinosaur DNA has been discovered. Creatures once extinct now roam Jurassic Park, soon-to-be opened as a theme park. Until something goes wrong...and science proves a dangerous toy. (Goodreads)
When people write off popular fiction as shallow, I think of my experience with Jurassic Park. I didn't expect it to be good at all; I never watched the movie (I hate large-animal-eating-people movie) and expected it to be a plain old thriller with man-eating dinosaurs, despite my parents' constant recommendation of Michael Crichton. My bad. What I found most fascinating was the theme about the ethics of science -- if you could do something, should you? It's a little tough going if you - like me - are unfamiliar with dinosaurs and dislike gore, but stick with it.
“But now science is the belief system that is hundreds of years old. And, like the medieval system before it, science is starting not to fit the world any more. Science has attained so much power that its practical limits begin to be apparent. Largely through science, billions of us live in one small world, densely packed and intercommunicating. But science cannot help us decide what to do with that world, or how to live. Science can make a nuclear reactor, but it cannot tell us not to build it. Science can make pesticide, but cannot tell us not to use it. And our world starts to seem polluted in fundamental ways---air, and water, and land---because of ungovernable science.”
Passionately argued, impressively researched, and filled with indelible stories of real people, Quiet shows how dramatically we undervalue introverts, and how much we lose in doing so. (Goodreads)
If we read to know we're not alone, then I've found the perfect book for me. I could relate to so many things, and I learned plenty too. I can't recommend this enough for the introverts out there, and for extroverts who want to learn more about what it's like for those on the other side of the spectrum.
“Or at school you might have been prodded to come “out of your shell”—that noxious expression which fails to appreciate that some animals naturally carry shelter everywhere they go, and that some humans are just the same.”
Monday, January 27, 2014
2014 resolutions
I've been hesitant about writing down my resolutions, or even making any considering I always forget about them. After giving it some thoughts though, I'm making them. It never hurts to have achievable goals, and though January is almost over, it's never too late for a new start.
So here they are, my resolutions for 2014:
Fingers crossed I can stick to these!
So here they are, my resolutions for 2014:
- Take full advantage of my honours year - I've been accepted into my first choice of university, whose Psychology department is supposedly the best in Australia. It should be fairly hectic, but also fairly awesome. I intend to do more than the minimal amount of work and take advantage of being around some of the best professors I could possibly have.
- Exercise more - I should make use of the fact that there are 3 pilates centre and a gym near my apartment, plus the uni's sports centre. I've been saying for a year that I want to try Zumba. This will be the year I do; if it's not for me, I'll try something else.
- Have adventures - This could be something as standard as trying a new restaurant with friends on a Friday night rather than curling up with my laptop once in a while, or actually travel. I'm about to go back to Melbourne; there's more to see and do there than I've seen and done in the last four years.
- Take care of and feel better about myself - Healthy food, healthier habits. Also, this may be the year this girl learns that dresses and make-up are not the enemy.
- Find a job - I get so intimidated by the whole process of applying that I curl into a ball and just not try after a couple of attempts. This year, I'm going to be a little braver.
Fingers crossed I can stick to these!
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Not everyone comes and goes; some lingers though doesn't quite stay
“People come, people go – they’ll drift in and out of your life, almost like characters in a favorite book. When you finally close the cover, the characters have told their story and you start up again with another book, complete with new characters and adventures. Then you find yourself focusing on the new ones, not the ones from the past.” - Nicholas Sparks
I used to hate that quote.
Or rather, I used to want to believe that it wouldn't be completely accurate. I didn't want to hear that when I'd move on with my life, the people I'd loved best - my bffs - would become secondary somehow. What did it matter that all of them would be miles away from me? That's what the internet is for, right?
I was wrong.
It mattered that we didn't live in the same place anymore.We didn't have a lot to talk about anymore; our lives stopped overlapping as much - if at all. We still have things in common, and we still like each other; when we met, we still could chat away like we did in high school. It's important to understand that I do love my best friends from school - I'd make an effort to meet up any chance I get. I just suck at actually keeping up with them, and I'll own up to that character flaw of mine.
But it's not the same. Communication isn't so easy when you've got separate lives to worry about. You don't need to talk every day to remain good friends, that's absolutely true, but sometimes I find myself wondering if I even really know them anymore, or if they'd know me as I am now. They're not always there for me - they can't - just as I'm not always there for them. I share my best, worst, and everyday moments with new people, just as they do. There are all these details that you've got to live through together to bond over, and an email or IMs or Skype can't cover.
Sometimes this makes me sad and guilty. When I flick through facebook and see that they've got a new boyfriend, a new job, or even graduated and I can't even remember off the top of my head what their major was. When I realize I'd never remembered to tell them I was going to graduate. When I talk to my new friends and think 'wow, I don't know if anyone's ever understood me like this'. When I flick them a message and don't hear back, and I too fail at reaching out when I should.
Perhaps it is natural to move on. You close one chapter and move on to the next one, and you hold on to those friends you've made from the previous life the best you can because they are precious and you love them. But you move on and make new ties, and I guess that's okay too.
Friday, October 11, 2013
No place like home
It has been a month and 24 days since I came home.
Home (n): my parent's house, the house I spent most of my childhood in. In some ways it's home: the place I belong so far as this is safe, this I understand and here I know people love me unconditionally even if they don't understand me. But it is not quite home: sanctuary from problems, the one place I long for when the world spins out of control.
Let me go on the record to say that I do love being home. I may not like my parents from time to time, but I love them. This family's a mess of clashing personalities and I'm sick of it, but at the end of the day it's made up of people who care about me, who have parts of them that I can look up to. I've been given a lot, a lot, and I am grateful.
It's just that sometimes being home unsettles me. When I'm here, I'm reminded that I've not grown up as my parents planned; not quite a disappointment, just a deviation. They've adjusted their hopes and dreams, but I still fall short - not quite there yet. There are miles to go, so much more money to put into my education, and when I'm home, there's so little I can do about it. I'm reminded that I'm an ocean apart from the people who get me, and that I'm not trying hard enough to reach out to the people here who might get me too. I'm reminded that my parents have their own opinions that could not be swayed and appalled me at times, and I can't be bothered arguing about it.
Maybe it's me. Maybe I've changed too much to fit right back to this place and its rules. I don't know really.
But I do know that being home is nice, lovely even. It's just not quite enough sometimes.
Home (n): my parent's house, the house I spent most of my childhood in. In some ways it's home: the place I belong so far as this is safe, this I understand and here I know people love me unconditionally even if they don't understand me. But it is not quite home: sanctuary from problems, the one place I long for when the world spins out of control.
Let me go on the record to say that I do love being home. I may not like my parents from time to time, but I love them. This family's a mess of clashing personalities and I'm sick of it, but at the end of the day it's made up of people who care about me, who have parts of them that I can look up to. I've been given a lot, a lot, and I am grateful.
It's just that sometimes being home unsettles me. When I'm here, I'm reminded that I've not grown up as my parents planned; not quite a disappointment, just a deviation. They've adjusted their hopes and dreams, but I still fall short - not quite there yet. There are miles to go, so much more money to put into my education, and when I'm home, there's so little I can do about it. I'm reminded that I'm an ocean apart from the people who get me, and that I'm not trying hard enough to reach out to the people here who might get me too. I'm reminded that my parents have their own opinions that could not be swayed and appalled me at times, and I can't be bothered arguing about it.
"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." - Nelson Mandela
Maybe it's me. Maybe I've changed too much to fit right back to this place and its rules. I don't know really.
But I do know that being home is nice, lovely even. It's just not quite enough sometimes.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Emma Morley may be my literary twin
"We should get some sleep."
"What for? Nothing tomorrow. No deadlines, no work..."
"Just the whole of our lives, stretching ahead of us," she said sleepily, taking in the wonderful warm, stale smell of him and at the same time feeling a ripple of anxiety pass across her shoulders: independent adult life. She didn't feel like an adult. She was in no way prepared. It was as if a fire alarm had gone off in the middle of the night and she was standing on the street with her clothes bundled up in her arms. If she wasn't learning, what was she doing? How would she fill the days? She had no idea.
- One Day, David Nicholls
Sometimes you read the right book at the right point of your life, and you feel less alone. I haven't finished it yet, but One Day struck me as that book for me right now. I see bits and pieces of myself in Emma Morley. It makes me anxious, and at one point I felt like crying because what if this is what my future looks like?
My graduation is in 13 days, and while I plan on going on to get another degree and thus my independent adult life is still a bit further away than that, I'm scared. I'm 22 with no glittering award or publication to my name and an almost-great-but-not-quite-there results. My friends are scattered all around the globe and in 13 days, even more of them would be too far away. Some days I'm struck with this panic that one day I would just fade away, and no one would have more to say than 'she was a good girl'.
What are you going to do with your life?" In one way or another it seemed that people had been asking her this forever; teachers, her parents, friends at three in the morning, but the question had never seemed this pressing and still she was no nearer an answer..
My imaginings of the future haven't changed too drastically at the core. In primary school, I thought I'd live with Thania and she'd be making music while I write novels for a living. In high school, I still thought I'd be writing novels, but I'd be running a private practice as a psychologist too. Now, I still write and dream of doing it for a living, I still want to be a psychologist, but I'm missing the starry-eyed optimism I used to infuse this picture with.
Still, I do try remind myself that I'm only halfway through the third chapter of One Day, and I'm only 22. I'm rooting for Emma to find some confidence and achieve the life she wants and deserves, and I'm going to keep breathing through the panics and make myself do the same.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
What I took away from X-Men
Popular culture is often written off as fluffy or shallow, and a large amount of it is. Sometimes though, I stumble on something that seems to go a bit deeper than a love triangle or flashy car explosions.
Up until a few months ago, I had little to no interest in X-Men franchise. Any movie with a lot of fight scenes don't hold much appeal to me, so I hadn't paid attention. My only experience with the franchise was when I went with friends to see X-Men: First Class, which was good, but I was still meh about it.
To be honest? I couldn't bear watching X-Men Origins: Wolverine at first. Too much violence for me. I stuck it out because there was nothing more interesting on TV. I ended up liking the character of Wolverine, but the movie didn't make much of an impression on me. The other two though...
I almost couldn't bear to watch X-Men at first too, but for an entirely different reason. Senator Kelly attempting to pass the 'Mutant Registration Act' and the prejudice against mutants made me shudder, and I found myself entranced by the theme of discrimination more than the cool mutations and fight scenes. Being picked on for the way you were born isn't just science fiction; you don't need to have blue skin or shoot laser out of your eyes to be set apart from the crowd. The opening scene of the movie was set in a Nazi concentration camp.
All my life, I always feel like an Other. Being a descendant of Chinese immigrants in Indonesia didn't resign me to a life of oppression or even to a real minority group the way it was for the mutants, and the large number of people I've met in Australia are tolerant, open-minded people. Nevertheless, I'd go to a smaller town - a place that hasn't seen a lot of non-white people (or pale-skinned folks in the case of Indonesian further regions) - and I'd catch some people looking at me a second longer. I'd never had a racist rant in my face, thank goodness, but that doesn't mean I'm not aware it's out there, and it's a sad feeling to think I've just been very lucky that I haven't been subjected to that sort of overt hate (though implied, casual racism is just as bad, but that can be a whole other post).
So the mutants' plight struck a chord with me, and I can see both Magneto and Xavier's reasoning behind their approach to human beings. I understand why Magneto thinks mutants should be at war with humans - haven't we proved time and time again that fear/ignorance of the different and unknown is stronger than sympathy? - but I also would like to believe that Xavier is right, that we should have hope in our ability to sympathize and tolerate.
It's fun when movies aren't black and white.
Also, I love this from X2:
Nightcrawler: You know, outside the circus, most people were afraid of me. But I didn't hate them. I pitied them. Do you know why? Because most people will never know anything beyond what they see with their own two eyes.
Storm: Well, I gave up on pity a long time ago.
Nightcrawler: Someone so beautiful should not be so angry.
Storm: Sometimes anger can help you survive.
Nightcrawler: So can faith.
I still don't care for the part where people get stabbed or blown up or whatever else they do to kill someone, but there is more to X-Men than the 'super'powers and good-looking action heroes. I like that. I'm still considering whether or not to see The Wolverine, but I think I will see Days of Future Past.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
What Cory Monteith's Death Means to Me
Earlier this week I found out, while listening to Glee's Marry You no less, that Cory Monteith was found dead in his hotel room. I was heartbroken. A part of me hoped that it was a cruel internet joke, but alas it wasn't. I watched Glee religiously during its first 3 seasons, often watched the same episodes for a couple of times and I have an iTunes playlist dedicated to the show's soundtrack. And when Lea and Cory made their relationship public, I was happy for them.
I know that knowing who Finn Hudson was is no way near to knowing who Cory Monteith was. But I can't help to feel that for all the times I watched him on Glee, a bit of Cory was seeping through the Finn facade. Like the time when he found the grilled cheesus. Or the time when he had "Vitamin D" from Will's wife. Or the time when he was angry at Kurt for having a crush on him. Or the time when he let Rachel go chase her dream in New York. And the time when he finally realised that he wanted to be a teacher.
Like Finn, Cory was just getting the hang of being Cory when tragedy struck. He was in a great relationship with Lea Michele, he was preparing for a career outside of Glee by getting jobs in movies and he seemed happy. His death means a lot to me because I get what Finn, or Cory, went through. I get his confusion, his uncertainty, and him having a hard time to understand what to do when his idealistic views of life and reality came to a halt and it wasn't what he expected. I get it. Just like any other confused, uncertain, and doe-eyed graduate out there gets it.
The mix of emotions didn't stop there. After reading about the countless outpouring of love that came through from the people that knew him, I was shattered. Cory was described as an incredibly kind person, generous, extremely passionate, a bright light... and the list goes on and on. His death has made me do something that even a best selling self-help book couldn't make me do. It made me rethink of some of the choices I made in life, and it made me want to live life to the fullest and not waste any time. To be kinder, more adventurous, and to be thankful of the gifts that life has thrown me.
So here's to you Cory. Here's to all of the fun memories you've given me through songs, funny behind the scenes videos, and more importantly thank you for making the world a bit brighter by being the person that you were. May you finally rest in peace, rest assured that you will be missed and that you are loved.
I know that knowing who Finn Hudson was is no way near to knowing who Cory Monteith was. But I can't help to feel that for all the times I watched him on Glee, a bit of Cory was seeping through the Finn facade. Like the time when he found the grilled cheesus. Or the time when he had "Vitamin D" from Will's wife. Or the time when he was angry at Kurt for having a crush on him. Or the time when he let Rachel go chase her dream in New York. And the time when he finally realised that he wanted to be a teacher.
Like Finn, Cory was just getting the hang of being Cory when tragedy struck. He was in a great relationship with Lea Michele, he was preparing for a career outside of Glee by getting jobs in movies and he seemed happy. His death means a lot to me because I get what Finn, or Cory, went through. I get his confusion, his uncertainty, and him having a hard time to understand what to do when his idealistic views of life and reality came to a halt and it wasn't what he expected. I get it. Just like any other confused, uncertain, and doe-eyed graduate out there gets it.
The mix of emotions didn't stop there. After reading about the countless outpouring of love that came through from the people that knew him, I was shattered. Cory was described as an incredibly kind person, generous, extremely passionate, a bright light... and the list goes on and on. His death has made me do something that even a best selling self-help book couldn't make me do. It made me rethink of some of the choices I made in life, and it made me want to live life to the fullest and not waste any time. To be kinder, more adventurous, and to be thankful of the gifts that life has thrown me.
So here's to you Cory. Here's to all of the fun memories you've given me through songs, funny behind the scenes videos, and more importantly thank you for making the world a bit brighter by being the person that you were. May you finally rest in peace, rest assured that you will be missed and that you are loved.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
It's hard to hate Elle Woods
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| Lucy Durack as Elle Woods |
I got to see Legally Blonde: The Musical the other day. I've only ever seen two professional stage shows (this was the second), but I can say that it was a lot of fun, the songs were catchy, and I had a wonderful time.
I've always liked lawyer!Elle Woods, but I didn't like her pre-Harvard. Pre-Harvard Elle annoyed me. Annoying is an easy word to throw around when it comes to characters or even people, so I stopped and thought about why she irked me. I think it's because she went to Harvard to chase a guy, and she could get in despite only deciding to apply in - what? - the semester before she applied maybe? It's hard to not think of her as shallow at first. Plus she got practically anything she wanted, all except the guy. And he wasn't even the right guy. (Also I think I'm more Meredith Grey, and I don't handle peppiness well in large doses - but that is a personal preference and not something to hold against Elle's character). In short, I didn't like her because her life was easy.
But I also didn't like her because I have the same prejudice as everyone else in the movie: 'she's into fashion and pink so she must be dumb/shallow'.
Then that changed. She got to Harvard and suddenly she had to work. She's judged based on how she looks. She found that she's actually good at being a lawyer and she likes it on its own merit, not because it helps her win a man. That's when I start to like her. She's still pink and peppy by the end of the story, but she's got more going in her life than just a man, even if true love was part of it.
I realized that I would never be Elle Woods. I'll never be perpetually bouncy or care as much about hair and outfit all the time - I don't want to be, honestly. But I do want to borrow her rose-tinted glasses once in a while and believe that things are possible more often. Also, the next time I'm ready to write off another girl because of how she looks - on whichever part of the spectrum - I won't.
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